


Adventure Zone One Shots

by seabagel



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Multi, Rated teen for language, enjoy my bad writing everyone, ill update the tags as i post more
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-06-12
Packaged: 2019-04-26 12:18:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14402004
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seabagel/pseuds/seabagel
Summary: These are just any drabbles, ficlets, etc. based off of requests I get on amino!





	1. This Is Your Fault (Hurloane)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When it comes to cooking skill, it's safe to say Hurley is no Taako from TV.
> 
> (Or, I was originally going to make this angst but I ended up writing pure fluff. Requested by Knight of Breath on Amino.)

“This is your fault!”

“My fault? How is _this_ my fault?!”

“Because you gave me this recipe!” Hurley said between coughs. She took a step back in order to gulp down a breath that wasn’t completely smoke. The remnants of what was once coconut chicken were charred, and there were flakes of blackened coconut milk scattered over anything but the chicken itself. It was kind of sad that Hurley was only now realizing there was no way to rescue this meal.

Sloane walked over to her girlfriend calmly. She reached over and turned off the stove, which Hurley realized was an incredibly smart idea.

“In my defense I didn’t think you’d actually try to cook it--” Sloane said before her nose wrinkled and she had to pause to cough. “--holy shit, there is way too much smoke in here.” She went to open the window that was above the cookbook shelf. Hurley would have done the same with another window, but she’d have to climb onto a counter to achieve such a thing.

Hurley felt strong arms wrap around her waist from behind and lift her up, and soon she was plopped down onto the couch. Right. She always forgot Sloane could do that.

Sloane’s smile was teasing as she sat down next to her girlfriend.

“I don’t want to hear it,” Hurley said, a stubborn pout on her face. Sloane ignored the warning.

“ ‘ _No, babe, it’s okay. I’ll make dinner tonight!_ ’ ” Sloane said, imitating Hurley. “ ‘ _No, I know what I’m doing; No, I don’t need help…_ ’ ”

Hurley groaned, flopping over onto Sloane’s lap dramatically. “ _Baaabe,_ I’m just too butch for this shit!” she whined.

Sloane laughed softly before pressing a warm kiss against Hurley’s forehead. “I know, darling. I know. How about we order pizza instead?”

“Fuck yes.”


	2. This Is How You Make A Marriage Proposal (Magnulia)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Julia may have popped the question a bit too casually. (Requested by Kat on Amino)

When Magnus and Julia had first started dating, it had been wild. It had been crazed, and longing, and intense. It had been bad decisions and mistakes and laughing about it all later. It had been unplanned road trips and attempting to check off bucket list items that may have been too ambitious. It had been insane.

It wasn’t like that anymore, but that wasn’t to say it was worse. If anything, Magnus thought this was better. The awkward hand-holding and nervous “I-love-you" ’s had disappeared as time passed. Now, kisses and hugs were a given; another part of daily life. Their love wasn’t passion anymore; it was comfort. Stability. Certainty.

So, Magnus wasn’t sure why he was surprised when late, during one evening of board games and terrible home-cooking, Julia casually asked: “Hey, Mags, you wanna get married?”

Later, Magnus would be eternally grateful he hadn’t been drinking something at that moment, or else he would have done a spit take right then and there. Instead, he stared into space for what felt like years, processing what Julia had said.

The sentence that finally came out of his mouth was: “Uh--yeah, sure. Yeah, that’d be great.”

Julia nodded, her expression, if anything, being bored. She turned her attention back to the Fantasy Monopoly game the pair had been in the middle of. Meanwhile, Magnus’s thoughts were going at a-million-miles-per-hour.

“So, wait… did you just _propose_?” Magnus said. “Did we just--are we fiance's now?!”

Julia looked back up at him, seeming confused at his surprise. “Yeah, that’s generally how these things work?”

“But--but--” Magnus said, stuttering.

“Hah. Butt butt.”

Magnus rolled his eyes at the childish joke, a smile inadvertently slipping onto his face. “Okay, Jules, don’t get me wrong: I am ecstatic about this decision. But, was this proposal even planned?”

Julia shrugged. “I guess I thought us getting married was just a given at this point. I love you and I want to be with you forever, and I know you feel the same way. It seemed stupid that we hadn’t done it yet,” she said.

Magnus nodded, his smile larger now as the full realization that _holy shit he was in front of his future wife_ fully dawned upon him. “That is great! I’m totally on board,” he said, “It’s just… like… do you even have rings?”

Julia laughed. “Alright, if you wanna be cliche about it, gimme one sec…” With that, she stood up and disappeared to the next room. In a few moments, she came back, holding something behind her back. She got onto one knee and cleared her throat dramatically. Then, she pulled out a Cherry Cola Ring Pop. “Mr. Magnus Burnsides, would you do me the honor of becoming my husband?” she said, in a very unnecessary and unexplained British accent.

“Jules… as much as I want to go along with your bit here, I need you to reassure me that this _doesn’t_ mean you still have the candy from last Halloween?”

“Maggie, I would love to tell you that, but I’m no liar.”


	3. Lil Lucretia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When a spell turns Lucretia back into a child, will the THB deal with their mistakes like responsible adults or dump her with Angus? The answer is pretty obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this for a challenge and it was really fun!! although, tbh, this fic is kind of a mess. but aren't all of mine

Lucretia's day had been a combination of boring and stressful. Which was to say, today had been pretty normal for her.  
  
She was staring at the blank journal in her hands, wondering what she was going to write about, when there was a knock on her office door. It was a loud, booming knock followed by a couple more, in a familiar, rhythmic pattern.  
  
Lucretia found herself smiling. _Her boys were back._ _  
_  
She tried to compose herself, forcing a neutral expression on once more.  
  
"Come in," she said, loud enough to be heard on the other side of the door. Sure enough, Magnus, Taako, and Merle barged into the room. Taako was standing to the left of Magnus and picking at his dark red nail polish disinterestedly. Merle was on Magnus's right, carrying a potted plant enthusiastically and making Lucretia wonder where on Faerun he could have gotten it. And Magnus was holding a strange, orb-like object that was certainly not a grand relic.  
  
Taako was the first to speak. "That 'relic-detecting' machine Lucas made sucks. Mission was a bust."  
  
"Hey! Maybe it wasn't a relic, but this is pretty cool, right?" Magnus said, holding out the orb.  
  
"Ah. That is... disappointing," Lucretia said. "Nevertheless, I'm glad you found--that." She gestured vaguely at the orb, which was now starting to shift its hue from green to purple. She could swear there was some sort of humming coming from it. "Uh...good work."  
  
"Yeah, whatevs. Hey, Magnus, give-y." Taako demanded. Magnus handed the orb over to him.  
  
A crooked grin was now working its way onto Taako's face. Oh no. Lucretia knew this expression all too well. Whatever was about to go down would not be good.  
  
" _Hoops_ !" Taako yelled, as he flung the orb through the air, aiming for a large vase with a wide opening. He missed by a few feet.  
  
There was a sound like a window shattering and then collapsing onto another window, which in turn shattered as well. Indigo mist filled Lucretia's vision. The last thing she remembered was smelling something like burning candy.  
  
  
When the smoke cleared, Taako and Merle could be seen hiding their faces behind their arms, while Magnus was hiding his Taako and Merle behind his self. They all blinked uncertainly a couple of times before surveying the damage.  
  
There was no trace of the orb left, other than a faint scent in the air, and the vase was fine. _They_ were fine.  
  
What wasn't fine was the fact that the Director seemed to be missing.  
  
"Where is--?" Merle began, but was cut off by a soft cough from behind The Director's desk. Then, a small girl walked out from behind the desk, draped in a uniform that was entirely too large for her.  
  
Her hair was dark and curly and her eyes were wide and inquisitive. Her features were familiar in a strange and distant way.  
  
And then it clicked.  
  
"Madame Director?" Merle said disbelievingly.  
  
The girl looked around, clearly confused. "Me?" she asked, pointing to herself.  
  
"Eww, her voice is all weird and high, like Ango," Taako said.  
  
"Wow, I wonder why that might be," Magnus replied sarcastically.  
  
Merle ignored them both. He started walking towards the kid, but stopped when she backed away. "Yes, you!" he said gently to the child. "Are you... The Director?"  
  
"Director of what?" she responded. Taako snorted.

  
"Uhh..." Magnus searched for the right memory. "Are you… Lu… Lucretia?"  
  
The child nodded this time. "Yeah?"  
  
The boys all exchanged a horrified look.  
  
"Oh, gods. What have we done," Magnus said, "What do we _do_ ?"  
  
"There's no 'we' about it! It was Taako's fault!" Merle accused.  
  
Taako gasped, both mock-offended and a little real-offended, "It was the _orb's_ fault! And _who_ sent us on the mission where we got the orb? In a way, it's The Director's _own_ fault!" He couldn't help but giggle a bit at the notion.  
  
Magnus elbowed him. "This is no time for goofs!"  
  
Taako pointed at Lucretia, who had now taken a few steps backwards and was looking at the group of arguing men with a slightly terrified expression. "Are you kidding?" he said, "This is the _perfect_ time for goofs!"  
  
Merle ignored Taako again, in favor of paying attention to Lucretia. "Hey, kid, I think I know someone who'd make a great friend for you."  
  
•••  
  
"Sirs, what the fuck?"  
  
"Shh!" Magnus covered Lucretia's ears. They had gotten Lucretia some kid's clothes from an old , 'nostalgia' box of Taako's. Merle had asked why Taako had girls' kid clothes, and Taako had shrugged and said he didn't remember them and then something about gender roles being for chumps. "Don't swear in front of the child!"  
  
" _I'm_ a child," Angus reminded him.  
  
"She's clearly younger than you," Magnus replied.  
  
Angus sighed. "Sirs, may I ask why you think I can help you with this?"  
  
"Well, you're a kid; she's a kid..." Magnus said, as though it should be obvious.  
  
"' _She's clearly younger than me'_ ," Angus deadpanned.  
  
"Just try and entertain her until this spell wears off, pumpkin. _If_ this spell wears off," Taako said, as though this whole situation were no big deal. "We got places to be. Things to do. Questions to avoid. You know how it is--see ya later, bubbelah!" With that, Taako was already gone, dragging Magnus and Merle behind him.  
  
Angus tried not to completely freak out. After all, he was the world's greatest detective. He could figure anything out, which meant he could certainly figure out how to entertain a little kid for a few hours. Or a few days. Or forever. Depended on what kind of spell had gotten them into these circumstances.  
  
"Uhm... it's Lucretia, right?" Angus asked. She nodded. It was weird not to be calling her 'ma'am' or 'Madame Director'. It was far weirder that she was younger than _him_.

  
"You're Ango?" she asked in return. He nodded.  
  
Wow. He had ran out of material quickly.  
  
"Uhm." Angus looked down at the Caleb Clarkson novel in his hands. "Do you like reading?"  
  
Something in Lucretia's little eyes lit up. "I like writing!"  
  
"Oh, really?" he said, mock-surprised. He patted the seat beside himself, and she hopped onto it.  
  
"Yup! I'm really good too. I have really good spelling. My parents said I'm ambidextrous. It means I can write with both hands. Where _are_ my parents?" she asked. Angus's heart jolted.  
  
"Uh--don't worry about that."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"It doesn't matter right now."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Uhm--do you want to talk about something else?"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"For... fun... ?"  
  
Lucretia seemed to consider this. "OK."  
  
"What else do you like?" Angus asked.  
  
"My friends!" she said.  
  
"Great! Uh, tell me about them."  
  
"Uhm... my brain feels like it's fuzzy."  
  
Memory problems came with the spell then. Made sense. "Tell me anything you can remember, then," Angus said.  
  
"OK. One of them likes dogs a lot and he's really protective."  
  
"Uh huh." _Magnus_ , Angus mentally identified. Huh that was kind of cool. That she thought of the reclaimers as friends.  
  
"Another of them reaaallllyy loves plants and he's got a big beard."  
  
"Cool." _Merle_ .  
  
"One of them is kind of a meanie but he isn't really."  
  
"Alright." _Taako. Definitely._ _  
_  
"Another one really likes ships and he has a big mustache!"  
  
"Nice." _Davenport_ ?  
  
"And there's one who's super beautiful. And she's really strong. And fun. And nice. And she likes fires a lot."  
  
"Uh, OK." _Killian? Carey?_ Angus wasn't sure on that one. He didn't know someone who matched that description, and honestly? It sounded a bit like lil Lucretia had a crush.  
  
"And there's one who is a huge nerd. And he's dead sometimes."  
  
"Alright..." What? Who? 'Dead sometimes'?!

  
"But... can I tell you a secret?" Lucretia asked. Angus noticed her fidgeting with her hands; he did that sometimes when he was nervous too.

  
"Go for it," Angus said.  
  
"I think I did something...something really bad to my friends," Lucretia admitted. She glanced up at him for his reaction and Angus suddenly noticed her eyes. Her wide, dark eyes. They were eyes that carried far, far too much weight; far, far too much guilt for a child so small.  
  
"Oh," was all Angus could manage out.  
  
Lucretia opened her mouth to say something else, but then she looked down at her hands again. They were... bigger. They had wrinkles. And then. she started to grow. Her hair became shorter and lighter as she got taller. It was a bit horrific to watch; like seeing a werewolf transform. Except instead it was a werehuman. And already a human. A human transforming into a human. The point was that it was too much skin and bone movement.  
  
When the Director had finish morphing, she looked around her surroundings a couple of times, to gather her bearings, before she got up.  
  
She cleared her throat. "Uh, thank you, Angus, that was a lovely... conversation?"  
  
Angus could tell by her intonation that the Director did not remember what had just happened.  
  
"I think I need to talk to my fr--Taako, Magnus, and Merle now. Have a good day!"  
  
As she walked away, Angus knew he had some investigating to do.


End file.
